In June of 2009, I went to a medical appointment and left in an ambulance. My foot got stuck in the chair and I broke my fifth metatarsal bone. This made me confined to my bed, and two years later, a wheelchair. The last ten years have been a lesson in resting in the Lord.

I started out watching and listening to Perry Stone. Then Joyce Meyers, Andrew Wommack and Beth Moore. I read my Bible, gave up sugar and caffeine and prayed over and with my caregivers. I led and participated in Bible studies these last ten years, as well as small groups. And church. Always church.

I guess my life has been waiting on Him. I had long since stopped driving before the accident. I really enjoyed it, despite my limitations. It was my favorite thing to do. Just drive. I only got a speeding ticket once. My dad bought my sister and I a 1985 Buick from a friend at work in 1993. I loved that car! Driving was my favorite thing. The night before my second jaw surgery in 1995, I hopped in my Buick and took my little brother, Josh to the beach in California. We crashed at my friend Natalie’s USC dorm. I rented him a boogie board and just sat on the beach and watched him enjoy himself. I was restless and scared, hence the spontaneous road trip. But I experienced the presence of God on the beach that cold morning.

After my jaw surgery, the surgeon stood next to my bed and said,

“I love you like I love my wife or my daughter. I did my best by you.” I was sleepily coming out of the anesthesia, and smiled to myself when I heard his words and noticed his hair wild and sticking every which way. A sweet and funny moment. Days earlier in his office he was dressed to the nines and coiffed impeccably. But standing before me exhausted, he was unkempt and humble. He did do his best by me. My first surgeon just broke my jaw open and it locked again. He scraped out most of my jaw bone in anticipation of the new, diseased bone and the room it would need to grow.

The nurses later told me that my heart stopped on the table. That’s three times my time card wasn’t punched, praise God! My season to rest in Him continues, but I’m strong and confident in my healing. Frankly, I’m okay if I don’t get healed in my body, because the healing in my mind and heart is so profound that I often wonder who I’d be as a healed person. I couldn’t point to my circumstances and point back to God for giving me abundant peace and joy. However God chooses to use me, I am ready. I am here.

Recently, I was asking God for something close to my heart. He responded with, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have called you, and you are mine.” I am yours.

Love,

Tisa