Awakening pure worship looks like risk, and cutting through the jungle of self promotion to find the clear path of service. The castles we build must house the purity and the boldness to do and say and sing the heart of God to an audience of One. We must worship Him in Spirit and in truth and prophetically call and release the grace within us back to Him. The scratch of the acoustic guitar string can ascend my spirit to rejoice in the heavenlies in His throne room. A voice that resonates in purity and power with no regard to polished perfection but a surrendered excellence to release the heart of the Father to a people is the goal of the purity we carry. He is jealous for us and to soar with us and see our inner freedom in Him expressed through the gift of voice that He has given us. We must remember that worship is for Him. In His kindness and gentleness, He sings back to us to further deepen His love for us. The building of an altar to see His manifest presence enter a room is the ultimate goal. We must build altars to Him in the secret place so when He reveals Himself through us in public, there is no spot or wrinkle in our souls to proclaim our own agenda or blueprint for personal glory. It’s all His. We give it back to Him through surrendered hearts after His heart and His alone. We are loved, we are seen, we are known by Him more intimately than we can know. Exploring the depths of His love and heart for us connects us like a magnet to His heart when we worship. We cannot despise the day of small beginnings and blaze a new path without first understanding that we are on His path. We pioneer our way into His heart by absorbing the nutrients of His word and letting it consume us. Letting Him consume us. keeping our head on His chest and His song in our hearts is paramount and fundamental to understanding His ways. Follow me as I follow Christ looks like ministering to the One we were sent to love. It is His created world that we get to pattern ourselves after to create with Him. To look at the chaos before us, and look upon His face to dream with Him for solutions. We are banks of information and experiences that all reflect that He is with us. He comprehends us so that we can comprehend Him. He asks and invites us into a dance of joy unspeakable. To be undignified before Him, and give Him back everything He gave us only to be given more. He loves. He is love. Nothing can separate us from His presence. It is through our obedience and continual surrender where we find joy at the bottom our well of sorrow. Our profappiness comes from knowing that no matter how oofta people get against us in rejection, pride, or any other way of trying to lay foundations of offense and judgement and punishment, He endured it all for us first. In His perfection and flawless plan for us to flourish and succeed in knowing His goodness, we get the benefit of knowing Him more deeply. We earn our limp through surrender, but only by His invitation and beckoning to the call to live as dead men. To live the invitation of entering into His death and suffering with the expected outcome of His reward. It’s like He built us a resting place in Him, a castle of His thoughts and His ways and if we follow. If we give up what we think is best and seek His, we gain Him. This world in us and through us manifests only because of Him. When we try to rub the lamp of control and heartless transactions because we figured out a formula, we must stop dead in our tracks and ponder that glory in our hearts and move on to the next glory. Glory is His weighty love for us manifested by Him. We don’t control His presence, we host Him. We get to give up our offenses to Him and realize that they are treasures in disguise. The hidden glory of creation is that from chaos comes new life. When we are faced with the evils of this world, it’s an opportunity to overcome them with His power and Spirit to guide us into the truth that it has already happened. We must be surrendered enough to see that we are walking a path that has been laid before the foundation of time. He designed us to carry His glory and His love and to release it back into the chaos. When we stand to forgive, and then give Him the gift of our pain, He says, “Oh yeah! I paid for this already! Here’s the receipt and here’s a bonus of my greater love and trust for you to not join the enemies camp of punishment and delay of forgiveness.” Learning His heart and His ways and being sensitive to His Spirit in each other helps us to steward His heart inside of us and through us to another. We learn to love by getting over ourselves and putting Him first. Period. We worship Him when we choose to believe Him and know He is good. He is our great high priest who gets His full reward when we know Him better than we know ourselves. And when that happens, we discover the prize of Him inside of us. We must steward this access to His heart with reverence and a consecration to continue to seek Him over all. To know Him, to truly know Him, we must be willing to walk away from sin and shame, and have the victorious mindset that He is Lord. We buy oil with our worship and put it in storage so that when the chaos comes, we have a reservoir of hope and joy to draw from. He anoints my head with the oil of gladness to trust Him with all my heart and to know He will never fail me. I will often fail Him, but He redeems me and makes me whole in Him because His great love for us is so vast that we cannot be silenced over His goodness and mercy. We get the benefit of our own doubt when we discover that He never doubted us for even a moment. The greater thing is His trust in us first. His love for us first. John the Beloved got to the tomb first and wanted us to know it because His intimacy with Him felt His absence and separation. Are we running to the last spot we knew Him to be to encounter His resurrection power to set us free from our own tombs of sacrifice and death to self for another? I ask you, because I ask myself the same thing. Are we running to the empty tomb of doubt and unbelief and holding on and stewarding our faith to see Him resurrected in our lives? Do we have the yes from the ephod of our priestly garments to let Him have His way in us even when we don’t and can’t understand because we can’t wrap our hearts and minds around what He is actually doing. Can we lay it all down again to hear Him call us friend? Can we surrender the fortune of self protection and control of our own future let Him lead us. What we create and build in this life is nothing if it doesn’t house Him. We become His living stones that cry out for Him in the deepest recesses of our hearts. And when we say yes, and let Him break our hearts of stone and self righteousness, only then can we see that it was His righteousness all along. It’s He who lives and breathes in us and we are a reflection and a one of a kind demonstration of His love and surrender to us. He doesn’t owe us anything. We are not entitled to any of it. He didn’t pour Himself out as a drink offering for us to reject His cup of salvation, but for us to drink from His well of bliss and believe Him at His word. We are His, and He is ours. We get to gaze upon His face and know to the depths of our soul that we are loved. We are seen. We are known by our Creator and nothing can ever separate us from His heart. Selah. 

Stockings 

I was going for a certain look when I bought extra large stockings that were cotton, and I was determined to put them on myself. It was a fight, and took me a long time. I would use a back scratcher to help pull them up my legs. I chose the fabric so it wouldn’t tear. Sometimes I would ask my grandma for help, and other times not. I would struggle to get them up, and then put on a cute dress or skirt and likely wear my clogs because that was easy. No tying or bending necessary. 

Today is a day of victory! We can do hard things. We can champion our way to bringing the body of Christ into harmony and unity by remembering the sacrifices we made, and the hard things we have done for beauty’s sake. Cocreating with God to live and breathe His word is paramount to surrender. We only say what He says and do what He does. We have to be willing to submit to each other in love. The God who sees has breakthrough in mind. He prunes us at our most abundant place, so we can then grow and flourish in other places. Being sent feels hard and costly, but it is worth it. If we stay too long at our neighbor’s house, they get weary. But when we are the salt and the light, we can rise like incense on the altar of His heart. He holds us close, and abides in us not as a guest, but as the owner of the house. When He dwells within us, everywhere we go is home. We have to set aside the struggle to be beautiful and just wear pants. Our beauty is on the inside, and we shine where He tells us to and as long as we shine for Him, our geographical location is unimportant. We effect culture by releasing the heaven Jesus died to place inside of us. An open heaven looks like us sharing the best parts of ourselves with others, and encountering the core lessons and the treasure within. Not to pillage and exploit, but to share in the fellowship of the saints, and to give God the glory for what He has done in each of us. He gave His blood so that we can be satisfied and cared for. If we are not finding our contentment and safety in Him, we are missing it. He is protecting us and guarding us from harm and evil. Our job is to worship Him in Spirit and in truth. His beauty is majestic and wondrous. We have the opportunity and privilege to abide. We have the tools to clothe ourselves in His righteousness, peace, and joy, and slip into the sandals of the One whose own we are not fit to tie. But He makes it easy. He is so generous with Himself, that there is always plenty and always an abundance to thrive and grow no matter the season. As we become more aware of His presence in us, through us, and around us, our stride is confident. He won the war for our hearts. As we get to work bringing in the harvest, we can walk circumspectly knowing that He has made a way. Selah

I was in a meeting with two Jewish people the other day. The fear and hatred around their race is appalling. They are hiding in plain sight, identifying with other cultures as a mask to who God created them to be. When I say them, I mean us, as I am Jewish also. My origins were unknown prior to my grandmother’s death. I grew up a Christian. But the persecution and antisemitism must end.

There is no longer a wall of separation between gentile or Jew because of Christ. He died to fulfill the law and prophets, and His Spirit within us speaks to our hearts about who we are. The hope in the Jewish culture and the Christian culture is that we are both waiting for the Messiah. The Jews, His original appearance, and Christians, His return. A spoiler alert for both cultures is that He is alive in us! He is here. He has risen. A friend just won a 4.6 million dollar lawsuit for the murder of her son. The guards at the prison mercilessly beat him and left him for dead. No money can soothe the ache of her loss. 

God sent His son, Jesus, to die on earth to reveal heaven to us, and put heaven inside us. We live in heaven and on earth simultaneously. We who simply believe in Christ will spend eternity with Him. Our level of responsibility to help Him run the universe is determined by how much we seek Him. We find Him when we seek Him with all of our hearts. When we come to the realization that He is in us, on us, and for us, we can stop trying to be relevant and just be available for how He wants to partner with us. I hope that the money from my friend’s lawsuit goes to help to prevent other young men from ending up in prison in the first place, but I most sincerely yearn for all to know Christ in us, the hope of glory! 

There were three of us on a zoom meeting. A fourth person entered the room with their camera off. We welcomed them, but they remained silent and hidden. They left, and then kept trying to come back. We checked the attendance paperwork, and didn’t see their name. We didn’t know if they were guessing at the link, and there to cause trouble, or if they were shy. 

The leader mentioned how the caregivers for his son were hard working and dedicated to him. He mentioned that they always showed up on time for work, and went out of their way to be of assistance. He said that one of the wives of a caregiver was sent back home to her nation while she was pregnant. 

If we need to have a zoom meeting have registration to monitor who participates, and be able to follow up with them, we assuredly need to have the proper paperwork for citizenship and voting. Being in a culture means you are accountable to the people around you to an extent. 

There are neighborhoods where ethnically similar cultures congregate, and that’s fantastic! We need more of that. But we also need diversity in the way we treat each other and honor one another in Christ. While everyone might not recognize Christ in them, He is still there, waiting on the deserted island of their hearts of lack and fear, waiting to be revealed. Christ died so that all will know Him. 

Our citizenship in heaven is guaranteed, where all are free, valued, and loved. Sometimes we think there’s opportunity in other places, but God promises there is opportunity in us through Him. When we are connected with our tribe in the neighborhoods of heaven, we get to eat the rich food of His word as He manifests Himself in particular people and places. 

God set boundaries on the earth for a reason. And while there are opportunities to build a new life in America, America is built on the foundation of Christ. That is why we are so attractive to other nations. 

My dad built our home thirty eight years ago. The walls crack now and then as it settles with time. We have rats that are chewing through the pipes and washing machine tubes, causing leaks and damage. 

People who know Christ, but choose to reject Him, are letting rats into the interior of their soul to cause damage to their blood streams which pumps the very blood of Jesus. Without legal documentation, we are letting criminals through our borders who are trying to destroy our country from the inside out. 

We have to walk fully in our identity in Christ, honor the boundaries and commands He wants us to follow, while respecting and honoring the laws of the land. There are consequences to breaking the rules. Deportations may seem cruel, but they are the outcome of not obeying the laws of the land. 

Jesus says that we will always have the poor among us 

Matthew 26:11

New International Version

11 The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.

He also says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

The poor in spirit are always looking for solutions to their poverty, pain, and lack. The depressed seek healing and comfort, the lonely seek comfort and community. Sometimes without realizing it, we’re seeking Jesus. Those who know Jesus, know they will find the kingdom, because obstacles, trials, and tribulations are the very fertilizer that blooms heaven in our hearts. 

So if you’re feeling down today, ask God what book you should read in the Bible for comfort and finding Jesus, who is the kingdom. Because when you find Him, you find the fullness of joy! 

If you zoom in to the picture, you can see the fire ants that visited me a second time today. I spent the evening outside yesterday, and can only surmise that I brought home the whole farm!

For the second time, my caregiver had to haul me into the shower to rid me of all critters.

The bonus? I got two showers in one day verses one in the week. I get daily baths, but boy do I love my shower!

I am oversharing to make a point- we don’t have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how we respond.

I can’t just jump up out of my bed and hop in the shower. There’s a sequence of rolling me over on my stomach, putting my harness on my body, then rolling me back over to then be transferred to my shower bed.

I have a choice- do I lay there and punch the air and let discouragement win the day? Or do I put on worship and praise Him because He is worthy? B.

This body is only temporary. The life eternal that Christ died to give us is more valuable and I am focusing on winning that Super Bowl, that Gold Medal that I had no way of earning.

He offered me this victorious mindset and I said yes. Not every day is an ant day, but I worship Him in the in between so when ant day comes, I have a history of remembering the times when He answered before I even asked, and showed up despite my attitude of giving up on Him.

He is faithful when we are not. I had perfect peace when I was invaded. The gift? Zero itching! He works all things together for our good!

In the gap

When we stand in the gap between heaven and earth to intercede for another, we cannot get stuck in the ditch of thinking it’s our personal power that decides. The decision has been made. We are agreeing with Heaven, and partnering with the Father to bring forth His promises. In our surrender to His will to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and in everything give Him thanks, we position ourselves for Him to move. 

We have the unique opportunity to say a blind yes to Him, and let Him direct and guide our steps. The weight of responsibility to believe in His victory over sin, death, and disease must be perceived as joy. He is our source. The enemy would like to clothe us with despair and hopelessness, and partner with lack and an orphan mindset. We get to believe Jesus at His word of victory , and His overcoming of this world. We may get battle scars from working to discern what it is that’s coming against us, but no matter what it is, we win. The enemy likes to counterfeit the weight of sin, sickness and disease with the weight of God’s glory to overcome every circumstance. Deep darkness covers the earth, but the Holy Spirit is hovering above it, invading it with the blood of Jesus and His word made flesh in us to declare the goodness of God in the land of the living. We get to deliver hope and joy with wisdom and confidence. He truly does make beauty from our ashes. We get to participate in the miracles we create with faith and prophecy to bring gobs of heaven to earth. It doesn’t mean we don’t mourn and grieve for suffering. Jesus in the garden suffered alone, when all He wanted was the community He created to mourn with Him even though they didn’t understand. The disciples had the opportunity to stand in the gap with Jesus in the garden as He weighed the sin He would carry. He first shed His blood freely as He allowed the Father to minister to His heart. He longed for friendship from His followers to be in unity with the fellowship He had with the Father. He gave His life up before it was taken. But it wasn’t taken, because He freely gave it. 

I used to cry in pain at my earliest stages of the onset of disease in my body. I was comforted by my mom’s worship and her stacking sheets under the growing curve of my spine to fill in the gap that was ballooning between my body and my bed. She sparingly used pain medicine as a salve. When I had severe earaches, she would pour peroxide into my ear and stroke my head. I found out years later that the action of rubbing my forehead to the center of my head released dopamine. I remember feeling woozy and a little drunk, and falling asleep in her lap out of all pain. The soothing cadence of our prayers in the gap release a supernatural dopamine into the atmosphere of the hearts that we are praying for. We enter into the garden and pray with Jesus when we intentionally pray for those who are suffering. Whether it be our child, a loved one, or a stranger we have never met, when we paint a target of love and compassion for another, we release peace and the love of Jesus. Parents who lose a child, spouses that lose their lover, siblings who lose their childhood friend, and all other losses- a pet, a deportation, and all situations that bring suffering- prayer is the answer. The phrase, “thoughts and prayers” has been dismissed as a cowardly way of responding to a tragedy. But that is a lie. Yes we need to send material support in the way of supplies and medicine. But hope looks like something unseen. Hope looks like taking time out of our day and instead of doom scrolling and tsk tsking at all that is wrong, we can accept the invitation from Jesus and use our time and energy to lift up another soul to receive the love of God through us. We are all image bearers. As hopeless as a situation seems, we have an opportunity and an invitation to use the power and authority we have been given to shift atmospheres with love. Let’s not fall asleep on each other. Let’s fill the gap with our prayers and intercession to unite as the body of Christ to bring heaven to earth. Chaos is lack of control, but we do have self control to be part of the solution. Selah. 

Dinner

In college once, my grandma went to Shelter Island with her friend, Trudy. I loved to cook and host, and grandma prepared all of our meals. I invited all my college friends over and made a huge meal for them. I really enjoyed feeding them and discussing whatever we discussed. I love preparing meals for people and watching them enjoy. 

We had a security staff that monitored the buildings via cameras and a buzzer to let people in if they were encumbered with boxes or forgot their keys. I often forgot my keys, and would wave towards the cameras. They would kindly buzz the door open. When my uncle cleaned out the apartment while mom was in Israel, the maintenance staff retrieved photos of our family that had been discarded. 

My grandmother returned from her trip completely irritated that I had guests over without her permission. The consequence was broken trust. She never went on vacation again, because I broke her trust. Had she given me a second chance, I would have not had people over. I never got the chance to prove myself trustworthy. 

I wonder how many times I have done that to the Lord. Gone off half cocked thinking I knew what I was doing to entertain friends and not think of His heart and how my actions affected Him. I’m under watch, and I can forget my keys, knowing someone will let me in. I want to control my freakin self and be considerate of others and not take anything or anyone for granted. The truth is, our decisions and the decisions of others affect all of us. I wonder how many times things didn’t go the way I had expected, and I prevented myself from enjoying this life for fear of not being in control? I surrender all. I want to learn as much as I can to give it away and serve others. By learning more, I can create meals for my friends to feast on and enjoy the conversations I inspire. I only want to have faith that pleases the Lord, and I don’t want Him to feel like You have to hide from me. I know You don’t. I can’t bear to disappoint you, but I know I cannot. I never want to take advantage of you, but take advantage of opportunities to serve and make Your name known to set people free. For them to know You are real and holy and only good. Please help me to remember my keys and to be ever aware of the good You are doing in the moment. 

Do You want me to go to Redding this trip? I felt like You were saying to watch online and worship from my bed. I felt like You are saying to celebrate Harold, even though my heart’s desire is to be in Redding celebrating Billy’s birthday with him. In person. Face to face. That is my bold desire and wish. I lay it before Your throne and surrender it with hope if that’s not Your will for me. He is my beyond what I can ask, think, or imagine. I can’t fathom anything better. I’m almost afraid to dream that way, and will withdraw to protect my heart from breaking again. But bold faith stands on the shoulders of quiet trust. And I know there are a lot more things on Your mind and on Your heart. Wars, rumors of wars, floods, sickness, disease, etc. all that is not lost on me. I know You know all this, and I am not trying to be anything but honest. I am content in any circumstance, and You are my greatest prize. I am still learning and growing, and I don’t want to screw anything up and put my needs above anyone else’s. I want to serve You and know You more. I don’t always know what I am doing or thinking, but You do. Please lead me and guide me into Your truth for me. Your best for me. You make me powerful and I feel like I can take on the world. But I don’t want to do it alone. Love, Your best girl. 

One year for Halloween, my dad dressed up like a cocktail waitress. He had permission from his bosses and everything! He said that some of the customers thought he was a woman and hit on him. In this day and age, he would have worn a body camera to record the conversations and interactions. How fearless and funny, but also a testament to what we are believing. Alcohol played a role, as anyone in their right mind would have identified him as a man. He had a warm, joyful spirit, so I guess it was also an experiment in lonely hearts being drawn by a spirit of longing, but rooted in the flesh rather than holiness. I think the flesh is the part of us that asks what we can get out of a situation rather than what we can add. I think a key to the kingdom is giving it all away without expecting a return, and letting God give us what we need and desire. Sometimes what we want is obvious and universal. Everyone wants to be loved, known, seen, and cared for. Some want to be the caretakers and provide. As someone who steps in as provision, I am learning in this season to receive. There will be moments of giving my whole self, and pouring out on all flesh. There’s that word again. If I can just swoop in and deliver the word of God like Santa, get and get out, but not wait around for cookies- although I wouldn’t mind some, I think I prefer working on the down low. Sometimes I crave worship, sometimes it’s too much because I am just being me. I’m so grateful for my position and I want to posture myself for all that God has for me. Learning to be independent, dependent on God, and now interdependent on others in a practical way is such a beautiful education. It’s in a family structure, but my role is different at different times. I am learning that it’s ok to have needs that others can fill and have the boldness to ask for help even if it feels uncomfortable at times. I wanted to be as independent as possible with this disease, and in that vein, cut a lot of people out in the meantime. I thought asking for help meant that I was unable. And I am unable to do some things on my own. I think I worked so hard to prove myself and show that I have gifts and talents like anyone else. I never wanted to be a charity case or someone who was pitied. Learning dependence on the Holy Spirit has been an adventure! I was lacking looking to the people around me for help, because I was also looking at it like I would only get help if I surrendered to their conditions for giving me help. Then I circle back to that when I help people, I don’t expect anything in return. But I have to remember that in business, and relationships that involve romantic feelings, I need to tread lightly. I take risks and invest in teachers and leaders because I find value in learning all I can about God and His kingdom. I have plenty of ideas of my own, but I want His kingdom come, His will be done. And that is so huge! So huge! And sometimes I feel like I did in college that as a leader, I had to finish projects by myself. I’m finding that I have more help than I am fully aware of wrapping my head around. But my heart is so so so marinated in love and belonging. I am loved everywhere I go, which is such an honor and a privilege. I never want to take that for granted. And I also know that not everyone loves me, appreciates me, nor wants the best for me. I will love them just as hard. I do give up all my rights as a human, and have zero opinion about where I am sent. I’m all in. I just want to know You more, Jesus! 

I get my zeal from my momma! She is not afraid to wear all of her clothes on a plane to avoid paying for a carry on. She is the carry on! She will go to the airport to board a flight that she may or may not get on. She takes big risks, and even when she gets in over her head, she puts her faith fully in God to make a way. To provide. She has a history of trusting in Him with all her heart, and leaning not on her own understanding. She knows the word of God, and is brilliant at teaching others to follow His voice, His Word, His commandments. She is a brilliant cook, and makes healthy food that nourishes the heart and the body. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks, and that may be why she hasn’t had deep connected relationships in her life, but she is settling into friendships and trust in her old age. She has a new family to serve and protect. To disciple and lead to personal responsibility and accountability. Fearless. Not giving two craps about blowback or disagreement. She knows when she’s right, and sits in quiet confidence. In a maturity that stands for justice. It may not look like this world’s justice, but it is His righteousness and will she is stewarding. I am grateful for the freedom she walks in, because she has given me permission to be bold and confident in the word of God over my life and not backdown when the enemy comes knocking.