My leader, Shannon challenged our group to do a “Shabbat.” Shabbat means to stop and rest, and open our hearts to God. As I was praying yesterday, I asked God what He thought of me. So many amazing adjectives came back to me, things I never even believed about myself until that moment. It was instant confidence. I didn’t know I had these holes in my heart until he filled and healed them. I thanked him for His kind words and then we had a conversation! He was hilarious! There was an easy familiarity that felt like I’ve known Him my whole life. And I have. Just not like this! This was a whole other level of intimacy. I asked Him why we never spoke like this before. He said that I closed the door. Whoa. But the first inklings of guilt and shame were whisked away and forgotten. He gently turned my face back to his and loved me even more. My heart swells as I write. His love is everything. So THIS is what people mean when they say they have a relationship with Jesus! I finally get it! It’s always felt one way. Like speaking into the void, hoping and trusting I’m being heard. He was so gentle with me yet also held me accountable. I told Him I’ve missed Him, and He said He’s always been right here in His word. He lovingly said, “I’ve missed you, too.” Holding me accountable for not diving in. Memes with memory verses on Facebook does not allow for that intimate connection that happens when you read God’s word in depth. I was instantly convicted but not condemned. I was honest with myself enough to admit I’ve been distracted. Sermons and worship and book studies are good, but there’s nothing like His Word directly from the source. But we have access without striving. Delving deeper into His Word will draw me closer. I just learned that Words of Affirmation are my love language. How cool is it that He’s available to talk to whenever I want?!

This changes everything! I can’t wait to intentionally “Pray always” in this new to me way, and continue this freedom, Grace, and Love that has been there all along. But God clearly said we have a lifetime in eternity to get to know one another. This is Love.

Love,

Tisa